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Monday, May 13, 2019

Things

Friends! I'm wrapping up my Yoga Teacher Training this weekend and will have so much more brain space to write blog posts again. I'm so excited to share this next chapter of my life with you! Stay tuned!

For now, I saw and shared this comic from Webcomic Name on my personal FB account last week because it resonated with me in deep places in my heart I hadn't gotten to yet. And from my friends' responses, they really felt it, too. I love how simple ideas can really, oh, how do the kids say it..."Hit us right in the feels."

So, today, I want to write about things.

For today's purposes, I'll say that 'things' are anything in life that we're up to that can take up mental AND/OR physical, real-time space in our lives. Work, projects, friends, family, hobbies, chores, just like, THINGS, man.

To people who don't know me super-well, they think I'm very good at juggling many things.


To people who DO know me super-well, they know my collection of things seems to change every few months; that I seem like I quit a lot of things.

I have a very intense, very important balancing act that I practice when dealing with things.


1) I understand I have a limit to the amount of thing-space I have. When I commit to a thing, I try to assess ahead of time how much mental/physical space it will take up. In other words, I assess not only how much time I'm actively engaged in doing the thing, but also how much time I'm going to mentally hold open to think about it when I'm not doing it. That also takes up space. My mental space can turn a relatively small thing on the surface into a LARGE thing, totally on accident. 

Sometimes I can anticipate that, and compare to my other things concurrently happening, and decline the new thing on the spot. But that's only sometimes. And, on a total side-tangent, the amount of mental space it takes me to tell someone "no" sometimes completely overrides declining a thing I don't want to do. It's ridiculous. I'm getting better, though.

2) Once I've committed to a thing, I may discern a shift in what my initial assessment was; if the new thing (or any thing, really) starts getting too big, mentally or physically, I can feel the space of the thing pushing against all the space I'm already trying to hold open for the other things. 

So I have to make a choice:

Can I shift the other things at all right now to allow the space for this thing to spread out? 

OR 

Do I have to let a thing go? 

There is ALWAYS a period of time where I try to just juggle it all and see if something will give and let the fullness deflate back to normal if I feel like something just needs to pass -- like a gassy burp, right? Is this a relatively short amount of time this discomfort is happening?

3) After awhile, though, it will become very clear that I've been too full, too bloated with things for too long, and something has to give. And the question I ask myself at the time is:

What is the thing that is too big for no good reason right now?

I can handle big things really well, as long as they are supposed to be big, and I've mentally and physically opened space and prepared for it (hello, Yoga Teacher Training). And in the midst of my big things, I can juggle a lot of little things.

It's all about timing and return on investment, really.

It's not about the actual thing, or the person asking me to do it. I will do things I hate if they don't take up much space, and I'll stop things I love if it's unnecessarily taking too much space.


What I think is hardest to understand and see about me, is that the same thing can take up little space one minute and take up lots of space another minute. Those are almost always mental space shifts. They ebb and flow.

For me, my breaking point will always be, "Is all this space necessary, though? Or could I let this go and focus my space back into other things?"

Remember when I used to knit hats all the time?


When the shift happened from doing it for fun while I was watching TV to doing it because other people expected it from me, the space EXPLODED. Feeling the weight of deadlines and getting perfect matching yarns to make other people happy just really wore me down FOR NO GOOD REASON. And these were self-imposed expectations sometimes, too! It doesn't matter, though. Space is space. And I can either shift it, or I can't.

But now I've been away from it long enough that I can pick up my loom again from time to time, and it takes up very little space again.

So I never truly quit things. I just stop holding space for them.

If it's still in the world when I have space again,
I'll always come back again someday.

--

Now that I have finished my teacher training,

I will have a big physical space open again.

But to follow up with all the new things I want to do,
I'll need to leave that space open (mentally and physically),
even if there's not immediately a new thing to do.

That will be tricky for me,

but I will keep practicing.

-Classy McG




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