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Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Let Me Sell You Something


You may have already read this post from last month, but this topic is my whole life right now.

A couple of years back, I stopped doing much monitoring of my weight. I snapped. When I started weighing myself again, I finally saw how far back I had truly fallen.

Last year, I resolved to get my shit back together. I lost and gained the same 10 pounds all year. This year is shaping up to be about the same, except I'm back to exercising and gaining strength again (I was recovering from injury for about half the year).

I'm starting to understand more that our bodies don't appreciate our attempts at food restriction. And when we finally let ourselves eat again, we swing back the other direction of bingeing and guilt from bingeing and all kinds of terrible mental shit, because our bodies NEED this food. It's trying to undo all the shitty dieting we were doing.

You know how not all of us can be super-models or professional athletes?

Not all of us are supposed to be the same size.

Our biology, our genes, our bodies each have a beautiful neutral state where we can just exist and be the same weight and send/receive useful brain signals about what to eat and when without judgment.

The bummer is, that neutral is fatter than we want it to be, apparently.

Or rather, it's fatter than we feel like we should be to exist in our current society.

--


I've also been in conversations where people scoff at others' inability to see food as truly fuel for our bodies. Animals have it figured out, humans are stupid and terrible. Just put down the ice cream, fatty.

But I also don't see people fucking with squirrels' brains, 

telling them they are too fat to be loved and successful,
and here's a product that can fix that.

And then from the other direction,

people telling the squirrel NO, TRY MY PRODUCT.

All day every day.


Overwhelming contradictory feedback on a loop forever and ever until we die.

--

I know I have a lot of de-programming and re-programming to do.

While I'm crying about eating too much dinner or too many chips,

I'm not spending enough time asking myself WHY? Who gives a shit?

And...I don't have a good enough answer.


I don't know why. And I don't know what other magical version of myself would make me any happier. The fact that I've treated my body so poorly makes me sadder than it probably should, ha.

Anyway, I'm just scratching the surface of all this, and will probably have more to write as I try to find some kind of neutral state for myself.


As disappointed as I feel about not being able to fit in my 'skinny' clothes anymore, I'm realizing I need to celebrate that I've let my body find a state where it's more nourished and prepared to help me day-to-day.

I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing.

-C McG

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you need to cut down on commercials instead of food.

    ReplyDelete