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Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Holding or Folding



A few years ago, I started a scarf on one of my looms.

I found a pattern book, and I picked the easiest-looking one I could find.

I never finished the scarf.

The time grew between sessions;

just wider and wider until it was just...never.

These past months, as part of my yarn purging,

I kept looking at the work-in-progress on the loom
and thinking that I'd make sure to finish it soon.

Part of my closure will look like finishing

any outstanding projects. Yep.

Eventually, I started just feeling angry.
Angry that it didn't finish itself.

Angry that I wouldn't sit down and take time to finish it.
Angry that I didn't WANT to sit down and finish it.

Angry by its entire non-finished existence.
Teasing me, reminding me that I'm failing.

--

I had huge "aha" moment,

and I was humming the Kenny Rogers music
about knowing when to hold them,
and knowing when to fold them.

(Yeah, yeah, The Gambler, I know.)


I eventually told myself that I'm not going to finish,

it's OK to not finish,
that yarn can be better used in other ways.

My energy could be better used.

So I pulled the last row off the loom,

and added the pile to the donation bag.

--

I think we are probably a little wired
to see something through to the end.

Once we've committed to it, 

anything that doesn't look like the end
is a failure; a missed opportunity.

We are quitters.
We missed the mark.

We are failures.

Something that reflects poorly

on our ability to be good people somehow.

--

Less often, but hopefully (!) we can get to a place where we can acknowledge two things:


1) Anything that's making you that angry isn't worth finishing.

2) You can't do everything, and that's not a bad thing.


--

While reflecting on one failure,
we forget all the other amazing things we DID accomplish.

We're not meant to do literally everything we want to do when we're alive.
We can't.
There's too much.

Even if you have that "I can do anything I set my mind to" mentality.
That doesn't mean it's GOOD mentality all the time, you know?

Maybe you can...uh, set your mind to less things?

I don't know.

Or maybe now just isn't the time. 


Anything that will be worth your time and energy will find its way back to you.

When it's time.


--

So.

Know when to hold them.

Know when to fold them.


-C McG

PS. The title of my comic above may be paraphrasing a Louis CK joke, so just FYI that I didn't come up with that particular sentiment, but it's so true.


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