Monday, January 1, 2018

Don't Forget Yourself



Morning Greetings for 2018, hello.

I'm not exactly sure what will be different this time

or what even was supposed to be different last time.

We just long for something to be different.

--

My friend Sandy was telling us a story during our Winter Solstice gathering the other week. It was about a dog who was visiting their office. This dog, when left alone for mere minutes, managed to go poop in every corner it could find.

My wine-self was really inspired by that.

Today I can't exactly remember why,

but I am feeling such fondness toward
commanding the spaces you are in,
bringing your A-game,
being unapologetically you.

--

I have to deem 2018 my "shit or get off the pot" year.

It's terribly exhausting to have conversations over and over again

that start out with, "I need to do that; it's been on my list forever."

What kinds of fucking lists do we have that we never get around to them?
What's keeping us from moving on with life?


--

Something you'll probably hear me talk about more this year

is the idea of Perfection Paralysis,
that thing where you wait to do a thing until all conditions are absolutely perfect.

Our best intentions are crushed

by lingering insecurities.

We find the biggest excuses

in the tiniest road bumps.

The other thing you'll hear me talk about is

this entirely novel concept of just
being yourself.

Our best intentions can ALSO be crushed
by this lingering glimmer of hope
that we can be things we're actually not,
deep down.

We ALSO find the biggest excuses
to abandon the stuff that will make us truly happy
when we try to be on someone else's road.

--

I think this month, I will write out The List, 

and start deciding if the items need to stay
or if it's time to cross them off.

"Finished caring about that" 

is a perfectly acceptable way
to complete a to-do list item
on The List.

And then, hopefully

I can half-ass something 
until I decide I know what I'm doing.

--

Grace, one of the yoga instructors in KC, closes her practice
with the saying (that I'm totally paraphrasing) 
(that may be a quote from something, too, I'm not sure),
"In order for something to become easy,
you must first allow it to be difficult."

FINE.


- C McG

PS. I'm totally drinking Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies habit-changing/building Kool-Aid, so if you ALSO want to drink this beverage, go find her books. She's quite lovely. A lot of her words will probably start leaking into my words. Uh, moreso than they already do, anyway. Haha. She is really good at putting words and actual research into the feelings I'm feeling, so whew.

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