Tuesday, December 5, 2017

My Sankalpa

Hello! I've started my #doyogawithmedecember Instagram project, and it seems like a great time to finally write a post about my first yoga retreat experience...that happened back in June.

The fact that I've delayed writing this long is pretty much exactly proving my own point of this. You'll see.

First of all, we went on a weekend retreat with Amie Rader. She's a phenomenal yogi, yoga teacher, artist, and all around lovely human here in KC.

During one of the sessions, we learned about creating/choosing Sankalpas. I want to try to Classy-fy the word, but I'll probably fail, so here's a reference link and link and link, too. Essentially, it's a statement that's the foundation of yourself, your deepest desires, your call to be your truest self.

To get to such a statement, we were asked to contemplate a couple of things, and I'll write some ramblings here, too, that I didn't quite have time to write during the session (but the intention reached far enough through me that I still remember them).

When you release tensions and anxiety and the expectations of others - what do you most deeply desire? I answered "laughter, stories, a big pizza and sweatpants." Man, the question sounds like, "When there are no obligations, what are you up to?" I have a personality type that thrives in helping others solve problems. It rarely leaves time to be quiet and figure out what else I could even want for myself.

How do you allow these deep desires to guide your choices in your day to day life? I don't really; I feel guilt and shame if I indulge in any of those things when I don't feel like I deserve it yet. It's a small joy to keep everything light-hearted as we're moving from crisis to crisis, but I've hit a point where I'm recognizing that I cannot shift to any sort of self-care when I feel like there are things I can help fix/resolve with other people/the freaking world sometimes. I usually even work out in the middle of the night just so I know everyone's asleep and nothing new will come up for the day while I'm busy.

To that end, I've set my sankalpa as

Let it be broken.

It's amazing how much people can handle their own shit without my intervention. I don't need to fix everyone and everything. The world will turn and I will remember to find reasons to laugh and make others laugh and not feel guilty about pizza and sweatpants when I need them. I don't have to be "ON" all the time. I can take breaks; I can write these stories. I can recharge.

And it took me six months to write this because I was waiting for a perfect moment when I had all the perfect words, and that's...just not a thing, ha.

But here I am.

-C McG

1 comment: