Sunday, January 8, 2017

Fulfilling Needs

When you're in a perpetual state of feeling feelings,

you have to check in with yourself
and others
to be sure the actions from those feelings
are actually helping those you want to help.


I got on this tangent again

during an episode of Buffy
during my annual re-watch
during my nightly hat-making.

There's an episode where Willow insists that Oz talks to her,

if only he'd listen and hear her side
and her apologies for messing up.

Oz replies, "Look... I'm sorry this is hard for you. But I told you what I need.

So I can't help feeling like the reason you want to talk is so you can 
feel better about yourself. That's not my problem."

I also work with a lot of nonprofit agencies.
Each nonprofit has their own mission and vision.
They also know their capacity.
They know what their clients need.

I've learned that we donate nonprofits a lot of garbage,
things they can't possibly use.

Because we wouldn't take the time or the effort
to ask what they needed first.
Or learn who their clients are.
Or what they CAN accept from us.

We're fulfilling a need to *seem* helpful.
To get rid of our excess.
To look something like love.

In reality, though,
we transfer a lot of burden.

Someone MUST need this gift from me!
They'll find a way to use it!

It's hard when the answer is
you are giving garbage.

Does the weight of our excess junk ever go away?
Our insecurities,
our need to be loved,
our need to be helpful,
our physical STUFF?

Or do we just offload it elsewhere,
sell our share?

Is that love?
Is that help?

My wish for all of us this year
is that we take the time to ask what others need of us,
and then actually give them that.
Or admit that we're not the right one to help. 

- C McG

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