Monday, June 8, 2015

Greetings from My Couch - Ramblings about Doing Things in KC

Greetings! I'm writing this from a place that I hope can help me find some clarity on why I'm just tired all the time. I think we're all overwhelmed to the point of shutting down about a lot of things. And we need to knock that shit off. But I don't know how yet.


I think I'm on something like Day 900 of being so tired from doing nothing.

I've been in Kansas City for 11 years now. When I got here, it was kinda great because we didn't know anyone, I got to start working at Weight Watchers and get to losing weight right away (no distractions!). 

It took us about a year to pull together a friend circle.

Then I joined social media a couple years after that.

Then I worked on my first KC professional theatre production.

Then I got into running and other fitness things.

Then I started drawing and making hats.

Then I met Fringe.

So I finally had met everyone and everything.

These are all very wonderful things. 

The people, the activities, the talent.
Just tremendous gifts to the KC community.

As of late, I've started withdrawing from all of it, though.

As a patron, and as a participant.

And I'm trying to wrap my head around why I think that's happening.


Keeping up with everything that's happening in Kansas City is exhausting.

I feel this strong 'proud mom' attachment to everyone.

I try to give to your fundraisers, 

and see the shows, 
and buy your stuff, 
and I love all of it.

The biggest gift I've received, though, 

has been the courage to try making art myself. 
I'm not very good at it,
but everyone has to start somewhere, right?

I've even started my own projects 

where other people like me are encouraged to do art for the first time, too.
There's something for everyone in Kansas City!

I care very deeply about the creative process.

I care very deeply about telling the stories that need to be told.


It's really difficult in a community that's this saturated with art
to break in and be seen/heard.

It's really difficult in a community that's this saturated with art

to be a patron and feel like I am supporting my friends.

On any given Friday night, there are at least 5-10 major productions happening, and that doesn't even count my band friends gigging at bars.

I'm starting to get very numb to all my Facebook notifications. 

I think we all are.


Then! There are the charities I want to support that aren't related to the arts.

Thanks to my non-profit sector job,

and the vastness of Internet shared through social media, 
I know the pain of people I would not have ever even heard of in my life.

This education is such a gift, too,
so, more people for the list. 
I can work on being a compassionate human to everyone.


I need to also not get fat again.

I worked too damned hard

to just gain all my weight back
and give up all those years I actually WORKED for myself.

I got to start running with my friends,

and it was something we did together.

It works because I can help myself

but trick myself into thinking I'm just helping someone else.

Seasons change, lives change.
I know I have some void-filling to do.



I've got an amazing team of people in life who are living their passions,

telling their stories.

Now I think I need to just find anyone who will just go see shows with me.

Or go run with me.

Or go to a fundraiser with me.

Because everyone else is ALSO
busy, exhausted, broke.

Or in the middle of starting their own thing.


As of late, it's happening more and more that when I have free time,
I still choose to do nothing. 

I just lay on my couch,
trying to talk myself into finding something fun to do.

That's the only way I can stay in touch with my friends!
Just GO to the THINGS!

And I can't get off my couch.

I say, "Classy! You have a huge list of comics you can draw and Etsy items you can post!"

And I can't get off my couch.

I say, "Hey, you can sneak in a workout without even missing anything!"

And I can't get off my couch.

I don't think it's depression.

It's extrovert needs refueling.
I like doing things WITH people.
I feel really down when I'm alone a lot.

But I don't know if I'm in a funk because I'm overwhelmed,
or if I'm overwhelmed because I'm in a funk.
I don't know if I'm lonely because of my funk, 

or if the funk made me withdraw from asking people to join me.

I keep telling myself that if I just have a couple of good weeks

where I get off my couch,
get my workouts done
and some volunteer hours in
and a couple comics done
and a happy hour visited
and a show seen,
I'll be back to my usual self.

But for the moment, I'm just stuck being overwhelmed, I guess.
I don't know where to start.


Do you feel the stress of supporting your loved ones in KC?
How do you manage it?

How are your theaters doing?
How are your sales?
Are people still coming to see you?
How are YOU doing?
How is your work?

Everyone, just be OK, OK?

I love you so much.

From my couch.

-C McG

PS. I wasn't really answering anything today; just needed to see some stuff out loud.

PPS. Husband is around as much as he can be; he's really busy, too.

No comments:

Post a Comment