"Hey! Notify me when a new post happens!"

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Let Me Sell You Something


You may have already read this post from last month, but this topic is my whole life right now.

A couple of years back, I stopped doing much monitoring of my weight. I snapped. When I started weighing myself again, I finally saw how far back I had truly fallen.

Last year, I resolved to get my shit back together. I lost and gained the same 10 pounds all year. This year is shaping up to be about the same, except I'm back to exercising and gaining strength again (I was recovering from injury for about half the year).

I'm starting to understand more that our bodies don't appreciate our attempts at food restriction. And when we finally let ourselves eat again, we swing back the other direction of bingeing and guilt from bingeing and all kinds of terrible mental shit, because our bodies NEED this food. It's trying to undo all the shitty dieting we were doing.

You know how not all of us can be super-models or professional athletes?

Not all of us are supposed to be the same size.

Our biology, our genes, our bodies each have a beautiful neutral state where we can just exist and be the same weight and send/receive useful brain signals about what to eat and when without judgment.

The bummer is, that neutral is fatter than we want it to be, apparently.

Or rather, it's fatter than we feel like we should be to exist in our current society.

--


I've also been in conversations where people scoff at others' inability to see food as truly fuel for our bodies. Animals have it figured out, humans are stupid and terrible. Just put down the ice cream, fatty.

But I also don't see people fucking with squirrels' brains, 

telling them they are too fat to be loved and successful,
and here's a product that can fix that.

And then from the other direction,

people telling the squirrel NO, TRY MY PRODUCT.

All day every day.


Overwhelming contradictory feedback on a loop forever and ever until we die.

--

I know I have a lot of de-programming and re-programming to do.

While I'm crying about eating too much dinner or too many chips,

I'm not spending enough time asking myself WHY? Who gives a shit?

And...I don't have a good enough answer.


I don't know why. And I don't know what other magical version of myself would make me any happier. The fact that I've treated my body so poorly makes me sadder than it probably should, ha.

Anyway, I'm just scratching the surface of all this, and will probably have more to write as I try to find some kind of neutral state for myself.


As disappointed as I feel about not being able to fit in my 'skinny' clothes anymore, I'm realizing I need to celebrate that I've let my body find a state where it's more nourished and prepared to help me day-to-day.

I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing.

-C McG

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Holding or Folding



A few years ago, I started a scarf on one of my looms.

I found a pattern book, and I picked the easiest-looking one I could find.

I never finished the scarf.

The time grew between sessions;

just wider and wider until it was just...never.

These past months, as part of my yarn purging,

I kept looking at the work-in-progress on the loom
and thinking that I'd make sure to finish it soon.

Part of my closure will look like finishing

any outstanding projects. Yep.

Eventually, I started just feeling angry.
Angry that it didn't finish itself.

Angry that I wouldn't sit down and take time to finish it.
Angry that I didn't WANT to sit down and finish it.

Angry by its entire non-finished existence.
Teasing me, reminding me that I'm failing.

--

I had huge "aha" moment,

and I was humming the Kenny Rogers music
about knowing when to hold them,
and knowing when to fold them.

(Yeah, yeah, The Gambler, I know.)


I eventually told myself that I'm not going to finish,

it's OK to not finish,
that yarn can be better used in other ways.

My energy could be better used.

So I pulled the last row off the loom,

and added the pile to the donation bag.

--

I think we are probably a little wired
to see something through to the end.

Once we've committed to it, 

anything that doesn't look like the end
is a failure; a missed opportunity.

We are quitters.
We missed the mark.

We are failures.

Something that reflects poorly

on our ability to be good people somehow.

--

Less often, but hopefully (!) we can get to a place where we can acknowledge two things:


1) Anything that's making you that angry isn't worth finishing.

2) You can't do everything, and that's not a bad thing.


--

While reflecting on one failure,
we forget all the other amazing things we DID accomplish.

We're not meant to do literally everything we want to do when we're alive.
We can't.
There's too much.

Even if you have that "I can do anything I set my mind to" mentality.
That doesn't mean it's GOOD mentality all the time, you know?

Maybe you can...uh, set your mind to less things?

I don't know.

Or maybe now just isn't the time. 


Anything that will be worth your time and energy will find its way back to you.

When it's time.


--

So.

Know when to hold them.

Know when to fold them.


-C McG

PS. The title of my comic above may be paraphrasing a Louis CK joke, so just FYI that I didn't come up with that particular sentiment, but it's so true.


Wednesday, April 4, 2018

The Judgmentalist



Sometimes, you have to just draw something silly

for the sake of putting pen to paper.

-C McG

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Renovating


I stumbled upon this article written by Kate Wagner, the author behind the McMansion Hell blog, one of my favorites!

The intent of this article is to remind us that we don't have to give into the cultural pressure of hating how our houses already are. We can enjoy their charm and original fixtures and colors without immediately wanting to demo the whole thing to try to make it sell-able to someone else. 


The whole thesis statement is:
"Instead of falling prey to this thinking, take a moment to consider this simple idea: There is nothing wrong with your house."
And I'm losing my MIND right now. 

Not because of the fact that I'm a relatively-new homeowner now,

but because of the fact that this whole freaking article
is exactly how we also talk of our own bodies.

Some other quotes (but seriously the whole article is a good read):


"A fixation on the ills of one’s house is cultural, and has come in many different forms in as many centuries. House-positivity is seen as bizarre."
"The truth exposed by Fixer Upper and similar shows is that we are not content with authenticity. Authenticity is incompatible with the more pressing (read: commercial) narrative that, when it comes to our homes, there is always something wrong or in need of improvement."
"What we don’t realize is that this shift from partial to total is the outward sign of a more sinister change that occurred during the housing bubble leading up to the Great Recession: Average Americans began thinking of their homes as monetary objects to be bought, sold, invested in—consumed—rather than places to be experienced, places in which our complex lives as human beings unfold."
"But the truth is, “other people” don’t have to live in your house, and when they come to visit, they’re there to see you, not your succulents and marble-and-brass side table. It’s time we reconsidered the house as a place instead of an object, to be lived in, rather than consumed..."

Basically, I just wanted to write this post as kind, affirming words that you don't have to change yourself for the sake of what you think other people expect you to be.

There are lots of companies that get paid lots of money to make sure you feel bad about yourself for not wanting their product; for deciding you want to be a different-looking person than what they are selling.

You should get spend the time in your home
exactly how you want to.

It's your home.
Yours.

Everyone else is only visiting.

- C McG



Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Take Up Space



There's a recurring pattern I've seen in myself
and other women I care deeply about.

There's this...hesitance in us,

a hesitance to exist
and take up space.

We are so apologetic for being there

in the room
in the class
on the stage,

talking
moving
emoting.

We feel like our presence is a burden,

a collective eye-roll from the rest of the folks in the room.

I challenge us to be confident in knowing

that we're allowed to be there
just as much as anyone else.

Maybe moreso, who knows?

The sooner we pretend like we belong,

we'll feel like we belong.

And when we feel like we belong,

everyone will KNOW we belong.

-C McG

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Chase Yourself for Awhile



In the pursuit of finding better versions of ourselves,
I sometimes worry if we forget our core selves, you know?

We are already such vibrant, whole, tremendous bodies

personalities
lives
existences.

What are we chasing?
What are we running from?


What are we rejecting?

Every new shiny thing we chase

is at the expense of something we already are.

Every new person we try to be

forgets the person we already are.

I don't know why we want to forget who we already are.

We're already enough.


--

I've tried to start letting go of things that are aimless pursuits.
Things that don't serve the person I am right now.

The 'new me?'
The 'best version of myself?'

MUST be someone who gives a shit about me.

That is absolutely my job.
I have to give a shit about me.

The sooner I do that, 

the sooner I'll be equipped to tackle the world.

Because I'll know that at the end of the day,

I chased myself for awhile,
and gave my already wonderful self
the tools,
the rest,
the love I needed.

-C McG

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

March Happenings and Hat Closure

Hey, friends!

[I had originally started this post by apologizing for posting without a comic. WTF, Classy. It's your blog, you can post what you want.] [Besides, this will give me more time to finish the comics I'm working on and do them well.] [NOT THAT IT MATTERS.]


Today, I wanted to just reflect out loud (and in writing) that my hat factory is finally closing this month. For reals!



I had been combing through my blogs to plan posts for Your Classy Companion, and I saw about this time last year, I had started TRYING to say that, but eventually I got bowled over.

It's such a difficult decision, but such an easy decision to make, really.

I started making hats about 10 years ago as a way to fill time so I wasn't so preoccupied with boredom eating. It was novel, it was fun, I could give the hats as gifts to my friends, and it was exactly what I needed to be doing.

Six years ago, I learned I could make some money for charity with them, so I started using my annual charity drives to fuel this motivation -- I had been gifted lots of yarn (and found lots of great sales), and I could help charities without having to use my own money; I could crowd-fund that shit. It was great. It's win-win when I can raise funds for charity and help someone get some shopping done at the same time.

What's been happening lately, though, is that I'm craving time that isn't just me sitting on my couch for hours at a time doing pretty much nothing. I have art to make, I have yoga to do, I have walks I can take, I have house projects I can do (hell, or just sitting on the patio and staring off to do), and I have friends to see, and memories to make, and stories to tell, and jokes to make the rafters shake...


And I can't do all of that when I'm just saying, 
"No, I can't. I have to work on hats."

Something had to give.

And I chose to let go of the hats.

This month, I'm bringing my hat bin out to 2 events on March 24th, and then I'm pretty much giving the rest away. I'll keep making Largey McRollertons and other things I CHOOSE to make with the yarn I still have at home, which is very little at this point. I donated 2 garbage bags full of yarn last month.

So anyway, here's what's up:




Saturday, March 24, 7:00PM, The Buffalo Room, KCMO - America's Improv Test Kitchen presents "Her Story," an all-female performers night of improv celebrating Women's History Month. I'm co-hosting, I'm co-producing, AND my troupe The Jerries is performing. We're raising funds for GLOW, Inc, and hats are "pay what you can" and all proceeds will be passed to them. For info and tickets, click here.

ALSO Saturday, March 24, 10:00PM - We're hosting a KC Improvisers Dance Party at the same venue, and we're raising funds for Planned Parenthood, and I'm going to have all kinds of stuff up for purchase/raffle there, so if you are an improviser and want to mingle, this is for you! Info and tickets are here.


---

Thanks everyone, for all your support of my hats over the years. Over 500 hats have left my home and landed on various heads throughout the US, and it's been a joy to share my love this way. I'm looking forward to the next 10 years of getting back to my actual roots of drawing and storytelling and comedy, and I hope you'll find that as fun as you found my hats to be. 

OR NOT. IT'S MY BLOG, I DO WHAT I WANT.

Love,

C McG